Miss Death's Insight

Miss Death here~. I've also neglected the blog (silly me XP) due to personal affairs. But now that I know my lovely British friend is well and some other minor things have been sorted out, everything is as lovely as ever~.

Well, not really, because certain people are making a certain life seem like certain hell... and I'm Satan. =__=;;

I see wifey brought up the topic and her opinions on short relationships. I've.. handled some before with much regret, but I'm a soft person. And I don't seek people for sexual reasons. Ew, no. I'm one of those Not-Before-I'm-18-You-Lazy-A-Holes-Who-Knock-People-Up. Yup. Besides that, guys don't hold interest in me that way. D; (actually, no, that's an utter lie, but don't tell that to my low self esteem!)

Recently I was in a short relationship... five to six weeks at least. But the thing was, I only had a crush on the guy. I wasn't entirely serious, but.. he was transfixed with me. Nearly to the extent it was suffocating. I can't say many details on it, though.. because of what occurred after it ended. Don't get me wrong, he was a good fellow, but there were certain qualities I knew were missing.

Height, appearance, appropriate personality.. The things I want are always missing because I am deprived of chances to meet new people, or am completely ignored. I'm a distant person and close relationships with people are tough for me because I'm also overly emotional. Not many guys at school approach me, at least from my perspective they don't, but I'm alright with that. It's not like I want them to look at me, but.. it makes me feel as though I will never find someone right. I never date for meaningless reasons, and I always have second thoughts at first. I've also never been asked out directly by a person, or confessed to my face. That's never happened.

I'm called a loser for being a virgin, and people think I'm weird because I scoff at the thought of holding hands. There's always two people who pick on me constantly to annoy me and don't see how badly they're affecting me, even if I find them pure nuisances. At least I'm not a slut.

Not that all people who are teens and whatnot are sluts. Heck no. D: I have friends who enjoy short relationships and they actually bring a flicker of hope to my lips because I'm always happy to know.. that they can look forward to those relationships. One who is sexually active often tells me things because she knows I'm uncomfortable, but eventually those ideas sink in and let me experience the thoughts so I know what to expect. Not that I didn't. (why are my writings so damn descriptive?! ;__; )

I might not updat the blog with my posts until after Christmas~. ^-^v I wasn't planning to but then I thought wifey might be troubled. <3>